Ezio Martinelli Masterpieces...Buy Them, or Burn Them

As one gets older, one realizes certain cold heart'ed realities about life, and about our possessions. One also learns some hard life lessons, like that fact that a lying wife, a vile and detestable attorney, and a flawed judicial system have no qualms about screwing someone over.  It's life, no offense, but bad shit happens to good people.  So, you pick up and move on with the last whatever years you have left on this planet the best you can, which brings me to possessions.

I need a lot less of them...you know the routine, DOWNSIZING...especially when you are someone who is 60 years old, someone who has no family, no children to leave your worldly possessions to. Sure, there are a few things that will held onto, left to a person who actually treated you like your life matters...but the rest, if one does not sell them, they will at some future date and time be tossed into the Landfill of discarded treasures.

From this perspective, I've come to realize that there are some things which I own that I am not willing to just see thrown away, and perhaps the prices offered for them are not enough when instead I could use them to make a grand statement, a act of setting myself free from the items that serve as constant reminders of wrongs visited upon me, that have me living in a basement apartment struggling too meet my day to day needs and escape a depression always knocking upon my door. A cleansing of old wounds by ridding myself of those reminders, while exacting a certain out of a system and a portion of life that did me wrong.

Enter my original Ezio Martinelli's that have been collecting dust now for quite some time, buried away in some vault waiting to be forgotten about.  These works have value, perhaps great value to the right buyer.  They also have a value to me on several levels...what price do I want, what price would make it worth it to me to sell them rather than burn them in a bonfire of  of self cleansing as I let go of my past and move into what is left of this journey we call life.  What is that magic number that sees the works saved, verse the pleasure and healing found in watching them and the memories attached to them going up in flames, their ashes floating up into the midnight sky.

That MAGIC NUMBER was surprising easy to come up with.   $250,000 (two hundred and fifty thousand dollars).  That is the amount I feel was stolen from me in and unjust unfair court system, the amount that would allow me to pack up my stuff and move away from an area that is no longer home to me, move away to live out my life in some semblance of respectability.

Thus this articles title...Buy Them or Burn Them...either ways is somewhat academic to me.  If someone decides these works created by an almost great master of the art world are worth the saving, are worth paying me my asking price, will pack them up, make the transaction and ride off into the proverbial sunset, perhaps in a VW Micro Bus.  If not, will gather them up with other things that are weighing me down, keeping me tied down to a reality that keeps me sad and depressed, travel out into the country and have a bonfire with friends, a great night of cleansing as the from a past gone wrong float up into the heavens as I sip on a glass of Merlot.

In the next few weeks when I can find the time, will take photographs of the pieces and post them here in an official For Sale FLYER.  If there is no legitimate full price offer in 30 days, then I have my answer to the riddle of what to do, with the art work and if it is a bonfire, how many folks get a chance to torch art work that belongs in a museum instead of a bonfire.  Either way I win, have money with which to move on with my life, or exact the perfect revenge on a past gone wrong, excising demons as the flames lick up a canvas painted decades ago...video on YouTube for the world to see...who knows, maybe I will even change my name, like a phoenix rising from the ashes.

For more information on the works, and their sale, please leave a comment, or email me at phtographybysherwood@gmail.com 

The Martinelli Years...My 15 Years As Son-In-Law to Dead Artist Ezio Martinelli

It is said we all have a book in us, our lives a story worth the tale.   Sometimes, think perhaps my life is a tale worth perhaps more than one book, but perhaps the story most needing to be told is the one about my years as the son-in-law to long dead artist Ezio Martinelli.   Though I never met the man, in many ways I live in his shadow, a bit player in a epic tale worthy of a Fellini like movie made for the silver screen.   Though far less famous than his New York School Expressionist Jackson Pollock, the man none the less cast his own shadow on the art world, a shadow that in some ways changed my own life, especially the later years yet to come.

Realizing this, have decided I owe it to myself, to share my own tale, tell my story to the world, add my own chapter to the rumors and truths that swirl around this man, share my own experiences and my own betrayals as the son-in-law to an almost, but not quite famous American Artist.   Not wanting to offend any one, have decided to write a work of historical fiction, a story based upon historical reality, bearing a very close semblance to real life, but none the less fictional.  Ezio Martinelli's relationship to Modernist Muse Sheri Martinelli, their love child's sad and tragic death, their daughter in her old age spending a summer locked in a morgue waiting to be claimed...the stories heard over a bottle of wine after a finely prepared meal, some of his works residing in my attic collecting dust, the world almost seeming to no longer care.  Oh but fame is a fleeting thing.  Fact or historical fiction...let my readers decipher which is which as the epic adventure encompassing fifteen years of my life as Ezio Martinelli's son unfolds.

Stay tuned in the next year as I post about my progress in penning this literary work, perhaps even sharing snippets  as it unfolds as I spill out my own pain, the pixels flowing across the proverbial silver screen as I share the story of how I got caught up in the spider web of the Martinelli clan.

Coming In March 2016..."Derogatory Explorations, My Last 59 Years"

Don't make derogatory statements, you could face criminal prosecution...OMG!  

Let's explore that term and its meaning. According to "Websters Dictionary" the word means expressing a low opinion of someone or something, showing a lack of respect for someone or something.  Notice the definition does not deal with the validity and/or truth of the statements or writings that one is making against another person or thing, just that the statements are expressing a low opinion, or lack of respect toward someone or something else.  Careful folks...did you know expressing negative remarks about someone else could see you dragged into a court of law, could see you finding yourself under a court order (Order of Protection) for a period of time.

You reach a point in life where you cut your loses, make deals that are neither fair or just, but necessary to reach a point of moving on, moving forward with your own life and what is left of your own dream shattered world.  So, I've reached such a crossroads, am doing my best to close out the last chapter in a book that needs placed on the shelf of bad memories.  To that end, and with more than a bit of bitterness, I have started taking steps to clean my own plate off of things detracting from me living a productive life, preparing to move forward into whatever comes next for me, which more than likely is going to include moving out from this basement apartment and out of the state of New York...if not this year, then early next year right after the winter snows have ended.  By next year, everything that is in limbo in my life will be settled, good, bad or ugly, and should be free to pursue my own pursuits and new dreams.

As a part of that process of moving forward, burying old demons I have decided to spend a great deal of 2015 writing a book, and autobiography of sorts with a goal of self publishing it in 2016. Everyone has always told me I should write a book...well, think that time has come.  I turn 59 this upcoming Saturday, so thinking releasing a book right after I turn 60 next February is a great one year goal to set for myself.  A tell all story of intrigue, mystery, pain, love and betrayal, a tale of trials, tribulations, and even a few successes on the road less traveled with no stone left un-turned.  I am sure parts of it will be derogatory, combative and even attacking, but it will be a story fairly and accurately told, and unlike dragnet, will not change the names to protect the innocent or in some cases guilty.   Truth is whatever truth is, and sometimes in life truth is UGLY, even sinister, and in stating that truth, one by definition is going to be derogatory.  

One thing is certain...2015 is going to be a different year, a year of changes and moving forward rather than sitting still.  Time to let my inner warlock have free reign as I once again begin the arduous task of starting over.

So, DeMoya & Associates Plans To Sue Me! There's a BIG SURPRISE.

I came home today to find a rather THICK envelope from the legal firm of DeMoya & Associates, the law firm who's services I terminated due to (IMO) complete and total incompetence on their part. Imagine an attorney or law firm telling you your bill is FAR NORTH of over $50,000 dollars when the only thing they managed to do was get you $1138 a month in Pendente Lite relief for a period of a few months.   Imagine asking from day one that your attorney figure out just how much of a retirement fund (401K) my 50 percent was worth, constantly being told it looked like somewhere around $350-$400K, only to learn after said lawyer's services were terminated that my share in all reality was/is only worth about $165.000!   Of course, every time I pressed my attorney on this issue, asked her to figure out what my share was worth, I was told the timing was NOT RIGHT.   Guess perhaps she and the law firm were content milking the cow, happy to know they were going to walk away with almost 40 percent of my divorce settlement amount?

Or perhaps, as I suspect, it was just plain incompetence?  

When an attorney files a motion for Interim Legal Fees to be paid by the monied spouse, there are rules and procedures to be followed...you know, the dotting of I's, the crossing of T's.   Almost everything filed on my behalf by the law firm of DeMoya & Associates was filled with fatal errors that saw her motions denied...including the firm's last formal motion for interim counsel fees in the amount of $40,000 that was denied because Demoya & Associates had failed to include as a part of the filing an updated copy of my financial statement.  It is noted here, that the attorney handling my case had told me before we went into court that her firm was going to withdraw as counsel if said motion was denied.

In short, I would not recommend this law firm.  Had my original request been adhered to...clarifying what my fifty percent share of the retirement account was worth...now known to be (supposedly) $165,000 would have seen settlement much sooner rather than later.  Instead, the lions share of the legal bill Demoya & Associates presented me with was spent on temporary Pendente Relief in the amount of $1138 a month for a period of about ten months...do the math.   This law firm wants me to pay them over $50,000 in legal fees for their efforts to get me $1138 a month....so, for every $1138 I am receiving, I am being billed over $5000!  Even worse, three times DeMoya and Associates made a motion for interim counsel fees, and three times FAILED.  Had their last request been properly filed, had it been successful, the moneyed  spouse in this case would have been ordered to pay $40,000 in interim fees, and I would still be represented by legal counsel instead of representing myself.

Good News...Good Bad Or Ugly, Will Be Divorced In March of This Year

There is an old expression, "No good deed goes unpunished", and in two marriages now I have learned this life lesson on a deep intimate level.  Time to pick up the shattered pieces of my life at the age of 59, and get on with whatever life it is that I still have left to live.  

Marriage one...took care of the ex-mother in law who in 15 years of marriage never met me because I was not good enough for her daughter.  That is a story for another day...instead, shall simply focus on the end run as it were.  Hazel Bonham in an odd twist of fate died on my birthday.  I was out of town on a business trip to Chicago.  Upon my return to my 40 acre farm in South Eastern Ohio on March 3 of 1997, the drive way was devoid of all vehicles, and there were no lights in the main house, or the quest house, an odd reality since it was about 8 in the evening.  I was afraid that something had happened.

Upon investigation, both houses had been stripped to the walls, years of antiques, furniture, are work and collectibles all gone. Seems that my thanks for taking care of my ex-mother in law in her failing last years on earth was having my ex-wife load up all of MY STUFF, including my eight dogs, and taking off to Colorado.

After a few months I picked myself up and did my best to rebuild my life, and included in this rebuilding process was the selling of the farm, and a move to Plattsburgh NY where I entered college at Clinton Community College where I graduated with a 3.984 GPA in 1999.  I then was accepted into SUNY Plattsburgh on a partial academic scholarship.   I met my current wife on an online dating site during my first semester, and we fast and furious fell in love.  Summer saw me moving down to Peekskill and we were married in September.   Our plan was pretty simple...get married in her back yard (her dream), go on a honeymoon, the sell the house, move into smaller quarters, and send me back to college to complete my education.

To help this plan along, I used my capital and savings to A) bail out her expenses, B) repair and fix up the home so that it could be sold for a higher price.  The plan was to repay me for paying off her loans and debts, and for the costs incurred in fixing up the house.  Just one problem...when it came time to SELL THE HOUSE, she was never ready to let it go.  

Fast forward to today, the 7th of February 2015.

My money is long gone, and according to the proverbial LAW OF THE LAND I am not entitled too, nor allowed by law to have that agreement upheld in a court of law...my contributions, the agreement between us as a couple WORTHLESS.  So, my share of about $1.2 million dollars that is in her name in a 401K like account...S165,000.  What was mine became hers...I contributed more going into our relationship than half the net worth of her account at the time ($325,000), and we used to joke about it...we were the perfect couple as I could cover the current debts, but her retirement account would take care of us in our old age.  Imagine putting $200,000 into a relationship, paying off your fiancee's debts, fixing up her house, all under the belief you would be paid back, would have your chance to finish college, and then in the end being left holding an empty bag.  The WARLOCK in me is not happy.

So, where am I?

Debts...including legal bills for this divorce guessing I owe around $75,000.   So, when the dust settles, going to be left with about $90,000 to start life over with.  Some $110,000 less than the day I said I do back on September 16th of 2000.  Meanwhile, the woman I bailed out walks away to start over with about one million dollars, and a job that pays her $120,000 a year.   MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS.

Health Care...I lose my health insurance on the day the divorce becomes final, and do not have the funds to get health insurance on my own...guess I will have to find a way to stay healthy until I qualify for Medicare/Medicaid.

Living situation...She lives in a beautiful one bedroom apartment while I get to live in a basement studio.  A far cry from the 16 room Victorian that should have been sold per our agreement back in 2001.

Job prospects...NOT GOOD for a man of 59 who has never held a real job for longer than about 6 months his whole life.   Not as bad as it sounds...spent a lot of my life when I was physically capable working for myself, including paying my way in life as a potter and sculptor for some 20 years of my adulthood.

Retirement....well, based on my understanding of Social Security looks like I will be able to collect on my soon to be ex-wife's Social Security starting at the age of 62...this will give me about $1100 a month to live on.   GREAT, can supplement this working as a greeter at Walmart.  According to the rules, if I do not remarrying, can collect widow's benefits, but only if I outlive my ex...somehow, am doubting that reality will ever occur, and it is not something I can count on in planning a budget moving forward.  Guessing I had best win the lottery, or get used to living in abject poverty.  So much for the promise of, "I'll never hurt you like your first wife did, you'll always be taken care of." Why does the term LIAR leap to mind?

KARMA

I look back on my first marriage, how it ended, what was done to me.  I put out a wish too the universe, and went on with my life.   I was quite pleased some years later to find out that first wife had LOST EVERYTHING, had to declare bankruptcy, and spent her last years living in abject poverty.  Seems there is a God.  Seems it is time to put a wish out to the universe and move on with my life...after all, the best revenge is living well.  Sad thing is, because of what is being done to me, cannot ever again get married, as doing so would lose me the Social Security payments I am going to desperately need just to survive.  Thinking a camper out in some remote woods is where one day I will breath my last breath, or perhaps one of those tiny houses of less than 400 square feet...not all bad...at least I will be able to take some nice pictures in such a quiet place.

When this is all over, when I have picked up what is left of my life and moved on and away from this area of the country, it is time to write an autobiography, or perhaps a fictional novel based on the travels that were/are my life.  Either way, the story should be told...the epic tale of love and betrayal one that needs shared.

You can injure and maim a warlock, but you cannot destroy us.  

Tongue and Cheek...

A special thanks goes out to my abusers each and every one.  My father, brother, two wives, all at the top of the list.  Each of you have helped to shape and mold me into the man that I am.  May each of you get out of this life what it is you truly deserve.

Fuck Martin Rosen and HIS VILE APPROACH TO LITIGATION

I give up Mr. Martin Rosen, have nothing more to lose...why not just hand me a gun and have me shoot myself...sure in some ways it would be a far less painful passing than the rape I am enduring at your hands in the Westchester County Divorce Case you are handling against me.  Let me give you some facts....

1.  I fell in love with your client, asked her to marry me.  When she accepted, when we started joining our two separate lives, I looked at her finances.  She was greatly in debt, and I was not.  Ask her who cleared off her debt...IT WAS ME.

2.  Her house needed a great deal of repair...WHO DID IT?  Give you three guesses, and the first two do not count.

3.  We as a couple agreed that we would sell her house and downsize in two years, and that once the house was sold, I could RETURN TO COLLEGE.  Guess who was not ready to let go of her house, guess who saw the house as HER IDENTITY?  

4.  Who did not take on a real job because A) she needed me home because of her panic attacks...care to ask her how many times I had to drive her to work, or pick her up, and calm her down over the phone so that she could complete the drive home?  B)  Care to discuss how many times I was told we needed to put my college degree on hold for various reasons all to do with her unwillingness to DOWNSIZE out of that 16 room albatross around our necks?

5.  In a separate court action in Yonker's Family Court she accuses me of threatening to kill her if she were to get a boyfriend....perhaps you should ask her about her involvements with a site known as AFF.  I will not bother to sully her reputation here by going into details.

Let's look at your website as relates to Spousal Maintenance....

The family law attorney at Martin J. Rosen, PC can also make sure that any separation agreements are drafted to provide adequate support. 

So, I pay off her debts to the tune of $200.000 by liquidating my own assets, I forgo my education to be a stay at home husband taking care of her numerous  health issues both physical and emotional, and what do you offer a man with NO ATTORNEY in the way of a settlement?  Let's allow my readers to see....

MARTIN J. ROSEN, P. C.

FELLOW. AMEMICAN ACADEMY OF MATRIMONIAL LAWYERS

POUND RIDOE. NEW YORK OFFICE

(914) 764- S24Z

NANCY J. CAPOZZI

PAHALEGAL & ADMINISTHATIVE ASSISTANT

175 MAIN STREET SUITE 415

NOETHCOUHT BUILDING

WHITE PLAINS. Njw YORK iceoi

January 7, 2015

SUBMITTED IN CONFIDENCE, FOR SETTLEMENT PURPOSES ONLY, NOT TO BE USED IN ANY COURT PROCEEDINGS, AND SUBMITTED WITHOUT PREJUDICE. FOR THE RECORD Mr Rosen...not using this in a court of law...sharing it IN MY BLOG.

Mr. Sherwood Bauman ...MY NAME IS SHERWOOD MARTINELLI, NOT SHERWOOD BAUMAN!  Get it STRAIGHT.

Re: Martinelli v. Martinelli

Index No. 1629/14

Dear Mr. Bauman:  AGAIN, ADDRESS ME BY MY LEGAL NAME...are you really that anally challenged?

I have had an opportunity to read your self-serving email dated January 2, 2015. Needless to say, I find it both offensive and totally inaccurate. Having stated my views with respect to your position, I take this opportunity to

submit a final proposal with a view towards bringing about closure. As the Court has indicated a settlement does not make everybody totally happy. You should understand that this proposal is truly not making my client any happier than you. Nevertheless, my client is prepared to comply with the terms contained herein so as to put an end to this protracted and unnecessary litigation. Accordingly, I will deal with each of the issues which I believe are now relevant as follows:

1. MAINTENANCE ARREARS:

My client believes that as of February 1, 2015, there will be no arrears.  (YOUR CLIENT IS SO FUCKING WRONG)

2. PROSPECTIVE MAINTENANCE:

Under no circumstances will my client pay any maintenance after February 1, 2015. I TAKE THIS AS A THREAT!

3. USE OF THE NAME "MARTINELLI":

My client will agree to your use of that name; but subject to the terms and conditions of the existing Temporary Order of Protection which must be made permanent. After that Order expires you must still comply with the  terms; and in the event of a breach, and the proof of same by my client, you will be confronted with a liquidated damage clause of $25,000  First, it is MY NAME...no strings attached.  Her "Order of Protection she LIED to get made permanent...YOU HAVE GOT TO BE JOKING!  IE...she paints a picture of me being a jealous out of control spouse...without going into details, ask her about AFF, and how many people she had intimacy with while we were married.

4. PERSONALITY:

You must return the following items to my client:

a) Chinese silk screen which my client obtained from her father.  Do not have.

b) Sapphire and diamond ring which my client obtained from her former husband.  First she GIFTED IT TO ME, and secondly, it was LOST long before she filed for divorce.

c) Chinese round table which was my client's grandmother's.

d) Two Japanese prints.  Do no have, which I have told you before, but guess in your old decrepit age you are not hearing so well?

My client will return the following items:  The list of items your client has that belong to me is FAR LONGER THAN YOUR LIST BELOW.  I know...I helped her move!

a) Christmas decorations.

b) Beaumont stoneware pitcher.

c) Oil paints.

5. EQUITABLE DISTRIBUTION:

As previously stated in Court my client will enable you to receive 50% of the marital portion of her Deferred Compensation Plans. Enclosed is a letter from TIAA CREF dated April 2, 2014 which puts the value of my client's plans (two in number) as of March 17, 2014 (the date the summons was filed) in the sum of

$328,805.44. 50% of that amount is $164,402.72. Given the fact that my client has now incurred a tax liability of approximately $35,000 by reason of your failure and refusal to file a joint return for the year 2013, we believe that the sum of $17,500 should be deducted from the aforedescribed figure representing your one-half share of the aforedescribed plans.  So, let's see...her account was worth about $325.000 when we got married, is now worth some $1.2 MILLION DOLLARS, I bailed out her bills at the time of our marriage to the tune of about $200.000 but you want me to walk about with $164.000...minus a $50,000 legal bill, and half of HER TAX LIABILITY, leaving me less than $100 K, no maintenance, and no chance at rehabilitating myself...FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING ASS HOLE, and THE HORSE YOU RODE INTO TOWN ON.

OH...by the way...Don't ever threaten me with physical harm again...next time, will not allow an attorney to talk me out of filing police charges against you...and yes, I walked out of your office and did call the local White Plains Police Department about the threat you made against me.

MEDICAL INSURANCE AND EXPENSES:

Commencing February 1, 2015 you will be removed from my client's plan; but you will be able to make use of the COBRA legislation at your own expense. Furthermore, any medical, dental, or hospital expenses that you have incurred prior to February 1, 2015 are yours, and yours only. Accordingly, you must hold harmless and indemnify my client with respect to such items.  NOT ACCEPTABLE

Mr. Bauman, (THE NAME IS SHERWOOD MARTINELLI) this will be our final offer. You have waived your right to further disclosure; and I believe that the Court will now set a trial date. If in fact you wish to avoid that trial date, kindly advise me of your position concerning this proposal.  I think I just let you know what I think of your proposal...FUCK YOU, STICK IT UP YOUR ASS and ROTATE ON IT...is that CLEAR ENOUGH?

Very truly yours,

MJR:nc

3 AM in The Morning...Not Doing Well

Suppose the title says it all...it's three in the AM, cannot stop crying, a deep lonely despair and sadness enveloping everything as I reflect on a life that I just don't want any more.  Shades of the Beatles dancing in the shadows, lyrics playing over and over again as if an eight track were hard wired into my thoughts, "He's a real nowhere man living in his nowhere land...."  Come on, sing along, follow the bouncing ball.

There is something wrong when you continue the charade of a life because decades of abuse leave you believing you deserve the punishment that is staying alive.  I was never good enough to be loved, and now do not see myself good enough to deserve death.   So  sit here and fester in a never ending pool of grief, pain, despair and yes, ANGER.

It's not like I ever really wanted much out of life...my needs were really pretty simple.   I wanted to be loved, and wanted to know, to experience safe.  Everything else was window dressing.  

So much I would like to say, but seems I am not even allowed that basic human right, fearful that my words will be turned and used against me.   One day I will tell my truth...words hurt worse than fists if placed in just the right order, and there are several souls who have passed through my life that deserve a good adjective, verb and noun to the teeth, and one thing I promise is the delivery of a hard hitting speaking of my mind before I go.  I owe that to myself, and to all the little ones who reside there within.  Retribution, Revenge, Retaliation...no, just the telling of a story, the story of my life with no detail spared, no rock left undisturbed.  

For now....going to turn out the lights, silence the TV, curl up under the covers in my basement apartment and try to find a few hours of sleep;

Where's My White Privilege?

With the shooting of Ferguson Criminal Michael Brown, and the unfortunate (and WRONG) choking death of Eric Garner in Staten Island here in New York has issues of race front and center in the news as protesters fill the streets of towns and cities across America.  I watched the pundits, and the usual cast of characters, and wonder how long the Al Sharpton's of the world feel white Americans should carry around the yoke of White Guilt, wonder how long the black community feels they should be given an extra hand up the ladder based upon their skin color...while we are on the subject, am also wondering where my own "White Privilege" is that Blacks seem to be saying I should give up?

I am white, no doubt of that, and even have blond hair.  There is no mistaking my ethnicity in the least, I am as white as white can be...but "White Privilege"!  Give me a break, it does not exist for me, and for millions of other "whites" who were not born into upwardly mobile, affluent families. So tell me, where is my "White Privilege" and if I do not have it, why is it fair that "Affirmative Action" gives blacks and other minority groups who are in the same situation as me a helping hand up the ladder while leaving me and others like me in the same boat behind?  Give me that same bonus score on the civil service examine, and I would probably be working on a government sector job right now. Give me preferential status in applying to some of your better colleges, and I might have actually have completed a college degree...BUT, I do not qualify because I am perceived in some fashion as benefiting from the fact I was born WHITE. 

Has any one looked at the statistics...far more whites have been killed by police offices than blacks have been killed...yet, do we see their stories making national headlines day after day?  Do we see whites out in the streets shutting down roadways because some white man was shot and killed by over zealous police?  Why not?  White Privilege?  How many people are aware that in 2012 52 percent of the people killed by the police were WHITE...not black, not Hispanic, not Chinese, but WHITE.

Yes, I am sick and tired of this whole mess being front and center in the news, tired of protesters marching through our streets making life difficult for the average America citizen...we are not the problem, the rich and elite who oppress anyone in the lower middle, or lower class of our society.  You want to get the attention of the right people...take your protest to those communities where the rich and powerful life...go protest in Greenwich or New Canaan, Connecticut or Rye New York...stop the traffic there, take your message to the power brokers where they live, rather than inconveniencing those average Americans who are in the same boat as you.

You can disagree with me, but claiming that being born white gives you some special privileges by  virtue of the color of you skin is wrong sighted.  You are given status, given special privileges based upon the financial status of the family you are born into.  When we in the lower and middle classes realize that, we can begin to address the societal wrongs perpetuated upon those who are unfortunate enough to be born into less than optimum financial situations.  There is no special "White Privilege" but instead is "Financial Status Privilege" that allows though born into wealth to have a leg up on the rest of us.

Ten Dollars...The True Value Of The Apple IPhone 6

Yesterday was a work day for me, I drive for an airport car company dropping people off and picking them up at the various airports in our area, my base being the Westchester Airport over in White Plains, New York.  Last night around nine I picked up an older gentleman of means who had just flown in from Boca where he owns a second home.  His destination...a very swanky upscale restaurant in Greenwich Connecticut.   The ride was uneventful, filled with meaningless chit-chat about the weather, Thanksgiving dinner, even the goings on in Ferguson.  I pulled up in front of the place, dropped him off and headed back toward the airport for hopefully another trip, a few more dollars in my pocket before my night came to an end.

I was about halfway back to the airport when the phone rang...it was not my phone, but instead was coming from the back seat of my car.   The easiest thing for me to do...head back to the airport, give the phone to the dispatcher, and when the gentleman called give him the option of picking the phone up at our counter, or dispatching a driver to return to the phone him...which would have seen him billed full fare from the airport to wherever the phone was to be dropped off at.   I was halfway back to the airport, but pulled the car over, got out of the car, opened the back door and searched around for the phone till I found it...a BRAND NEW IPhone 6!

I immediately got back in the car, made a quick u-turn and made my way back to the restaurant to find the gentlemen, return to him his missing phone.  It seemed like the right thing to do.  I found him, returned to him his IPhone, and was presented with a tip for my efforts of $10.  Moral of the story is simple...to this incredibly wealthy man, the value of his lost IPhone 6, the value of an IPhone 6 is TEN BUCKS.   Next time maybe I'll do what is best for myself, and just head back to the airport and turn said phone into the Lost and Found.

Black Friday..The Beginning of The Christmas Season

Black Friday, millions of shoppers out looking for bargain prices on home goods, Christmas gifts and whatever else catches their eye...the official race is on toward that special day, December 25th when kids open presents with glee, and mother's spend another day slaving away in the kitchen preparing a meal that will be devoured in less than an hour.  Shopping, it is the reason for the season...no wait, that's not right is it?  Santa Claus, eggnog, office parties, and a season of imbibing and eating far too many treats and sweets as our waist lines bulge...that's the reason for the season!

Let's all make our meaningless toast about wanting "Peace on Earth" and "Goodwill towards Men" (and what about women), maybe toss a small handful of change into the little red buckets for those less fortunate than ourselves, pat ourselves on the back for being noble heart'ed concerned citizens. Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, LA.  Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells and let's not forget, we are all dreaming of a WHITE CHRISTMAS...as in maybe a new White BMW in the driveway with a big red bow! 

Just here in America, our citizens will rush to the stores, malls and shopping centers, credit cards in flames as they spend over $600 BILLION DOLLARS on a one day celebration, most of them going further into debt in an attempt to hold up their end of the deal with Corporate America who is counting on them to change bottom lines from Red to Black.  HO, HO, HO...we want to wish each and every one of you a Merry Debtmas...I mean Christmas.   

Imagine a Christmas season where we came from a different mindset, a mindset where mass consumption of material goods was not front and center.  With what we spend on celebrating Christmas, collectively we have the ability to purchase 3 million $200,000 homes for those Americans who see home ownership as an impossible dream.  How many of this nation's environmental problems could be better addressed if we collectively could put $600 Billion dollars toward remediation efforts?  How many Food Banks could be supplied for an entire year with some 600 Billion dollars in groceries?  Imagine this mindset  being employed world wide for just one year, with every nation on Earth setting aside personal consumption in the name of making the world a more beautiful place in which to live.

Just a thought...

Thanksgiving Eve...Not a Good Night

The Holidays...not exactly

It's the eve of Thanksgiving, people out and about, meeting with friends, picking up their loved ones at the airport, others doing their best to brave the weather to make it home in time to smell the turkey roasting in the oven.

Me...sitting here alone, tears streaming down my cheeks as loneliness envelopes me.   Sad thing...I would go to bed, curl up and do my best to fall asleep knowing tomorrow is going to be a better day, but I already know it's not going to be.   There is no table cloth on my table, no flowers with which to brighten up the room, no plans for lighting candles, or opening up a special bottle of wine with which to celebrate the day.  No guests will be knocking on my door to say hello, no one but a simple drunk will be sitting down to enjoy a meal.  No Thanksgiving kisses from a special loved one, no one there to help set the table, or whisper, "I love you" as we toast each other with a glass of wine before the turkey is taken out of the oven.

Tick Tock Tick Tock watching the seconds go by on the imaginary CooCoo Clock that hangs upon the wall.   Working on Saturday...a distraction just 63 hours away.

Juggling To Survive...Tired Of This Reality

Even With Broken Pieces You Can Make Beauty

It just NEVER STOPS...

Showed up at court this week, spent money crossing the bridge, parking, gas for the car only to show up and be told court had been cancelled and rescheduled for next Monday...well isn't that special! Was supposed to get my new teeth on Monday, told the bailiff this, but once home got to thinking about it, and rather than stoop to begging the judge for a different date, have re-schedule my appointment with the dentist who was none to happy about it, but it is what it is.

Financially...just cannot seem to catch a break.  Bank of America ran out of patience with my overdrawn savings account, so I had barely deposited checks this week when they swooped in and took out $430 dollars to bring my savings account balance back up to zero...sigh...had hoped I could just carry that negative balance for a while longer while I tried to play catch up on bills.  Verizon called for both accounts which I knew were past due...it was shut off time, so had to pay those two bills, and on Friday I have no choice but to pay my November car payment which was due on the 1st of November, and insurance is due and payable as well.  Bottom line...once these payments are taken care of, I am back down around having ZERO money again.  

The rest of my bills...not been paid in MONTHS, and do not see that changing any time soon.  So tired of all this juggling, tired of trying to HANG ON.   It's one in the afternoon...probably going to miss work as I wait on a heat repair man...not that it matters as Sunday and Monday as a driver were nothing more than an exercise in futility.  Looking for another job, but fact of the matter is, there are just too many strikes against me, no one seems interested, and if someone is interested, I have the very real problem that I cannot take a job that would jeopardize my apartment, as I simply do not have any money with which to pay rent if I lost my part time position here.

Juggling, that is all I do any more, and getting tired of it.  Which reminds me...I have to fill up my gas tank before Saturday so that I have the ability to drive to work, to make it to court on Monday...maybe I should look into selling blood.  On the bright side of the ledger...at least I have pies for Thanksgiving...had a slice of pumpkin last night, and it was pretty damn good if I say so myself.  Think I am going to pull on a coat and walk the three blocks to downtown Nyack for a dozen eggs so that I can make a few deviled eggs tomorrow morning.

Darren Wilson Not Indicted....Ferguson Explodes...But What About Michael Brown?

If your television is turned on to CNN, you know all about the riots in Ferguson last night, know about the burning, the looting after it was announced that Darren Wilson would not be tried for murder. You also know that the black community is not happy with the outcome, is claiming that justice has not been served once again for the black community.  You have the Brown family attorney and others calling for a Federal indictment, and we all know it is only a matter of time before the family of Michael Brown files a wrongful death suit against the Ferguson Police Department, and the officer that will probably be settled out of court by the insurance companies.

What I am wondering, is why no one including the news networks  not asking certain questions.  For instance, would Michael Brown have even been in a situation to be shot if he had not robbed a convenience store?  Would Michael Brown have been in a situation of being shot if he had simply gotten out of the middle of the road and onto the sidewalk rather than telling Officer Wilson to "Fuck Off"?  Would Michael Brown have been in a position of being shot if he had not physically attacked the officer in his car, tried to take his gun?  Michael Brown is the single largest contributor to his own tragic death.

Shared culpability and personal accountability.  Let me be clear...I think it is a tragedy that Michael Brown's life ended in the way that it did.  Find it sad that stealing some cigars started a chain of events that would find him in a matter of minutes laying dead in the middle of the street.  My heart goes out to his parents, and can feel their pain at the loss of a child.  But let us individually, and as a nation also be honest...Michael Brown is at least partially if not significantly responsible for his own death.  Let's talk about problems, but lets discuss them openly and honestly, where all sides are looked at...Michael Brown was not suspected of simple shop lifting, but a felony when he assaulted the store owner.  He did in fact and deed attack a police officer, that is another felony.  Evidence suggests that he did go for the officer's gun.   Surely in a civilized society we cannot justify this young man's actions, yet you do not see the national media discussing this side of the equation, and when someone like former NY Mayor Rudy Giuliani brings up this other side of the coin, he is labeled a racist.

• Blacks are seven times more likely than people of other races to commit murder, and eight times more likely to commit robbery.

• When blacks commit crimes of violence, they are nearly three times more likely than non-blacks to use a gun, and more than twice as likely to use a knife.

• Hispanics commit violent crimes at roughly three times the white rate, and Asians commit violent crimes at about one quarter the white rate.

• The single best indicator of violent crime levels in an area is the percentage of the population that is black and Hispanic.

These bullet points are facts backed by national statistics.   Which begs the question...what are the underlying causes that see blacks committing a much larger percentage of crimes compared to their percentage of the overall population, what saw Michael Brown decide he could go into a convenience store and steal some cigars?  What underlying issues in his upbringing made him think he could simply bully the store owner, physically attack him and walk out of the store.  What made Michael Brown think it was OK to mouth off to a police officer...especially after he'd just left the scene of a crime.   Maybe the Brown family attorney is correct when he says we need to change the system, but maybe we also need to change within our families, and within our communities as well.   Crime is crime, and like the old adage says, "Don't do the crime if you can't do the time" and sadly in this case Michael Brown's own decisions leading up the confrontation saw him pay with his life for his criminal actions.  

If the black citizens want to place blame, do it fairly, and if you do it fairly, a big slice of the blame pie must be placed on Michael Brown's plate, on his family's plate.  

Thanksgiving...Making Pies

It's Tuesday, about 48 hours away from that yearly celebration and over-indulgence we all know here in America as Thanksgiving.  Though home alone for the holiday, I am going through the motions, trying to maintain some semblance of normalcy in these trying days.  To that end, today is going to be my day for baking pies...two pumpkin, one pecan as I always do.  I would normally do them tomorrow, but I may or may not be working...that is going to depend on the snow storm that is hurtling like a runaway train up the coast toward our area.   If I work tomorrow, going to have to be up early Thanksgiving morning as many of my Thanksgiving Eve tasks will not get done tomorrow, and today is simply to early for making my deviled eggs, though suppose I could do my cranberries today while the pies are in the oven.

Thursday...turkey for three.   Perhaps I would be better served not cooking a big Thanksgiving feast, but think going out, sitting alone in a restaurant to eat my meal would be far more depressing than staying in, watching a bit of football, and serving up my own food.   Gave serious thought about getting a roasting chicken instead of a turkey, but just could not bring myself to give up what has always been a tradition for me.  So...a twelve pound bird, stuffing, smashed potatoes, homemade gravy, deviled eggs, some asparagus, and of course pie for desert.   There is one man in the apartments where I live who has no family, so have invited him and one homeless man here in town who I kind of take care of who I have invited over for dinner.  Was hoping to find a few more people in need to invite, but two guests is better than no guests at all.

Yesterday all around was a VERY BAD DAY.   Though I worked very late on Sunday for almost no money, had to be up very early to make an appearance in divorce court.  I arrived at the requested time, sat around in the hallway waiting for my case to be called only to find out that the judge had cancelled court for the day...I understand that emergencies come up, but couldn't she have had the bailiff make some calls, rather than letting three attorneys and myself expend all the time and money it took to put us in court for a canceled court calendar?   Not having the resources to drive all the way back to Nyack for a couple hours, then back over the Tappanzee bridge a second time in one day, I decided to go into work earlier...another slow day, worked almost nine hours and made $31.  Take out taxes, gas, and the five dollar toll and I worked for about two dollars an hour...that is enough to make you cry.

It's almost noon...I really need to try to motivate as the day is quickly getting away from me.  

Obama Immigration Plan Is Amnesty, and Unfair To Everyone But Illegal Aliens

I voted for President Obama not once, but twice...looking at his speech to the nation last night I find myself regretting that decision.  He can call his immigration plan anything he wants, but in the end it amounts to one thing...AMNESTY for Illegal Aliens.  Oh, you broke our laws, have been here for say 5, 7 even ten years and never paid federal taxes, you have lowered the wage base forlower and middle class Americans for decades now, you have broken numerous federal laws, but guess what...YOU CAN STAY, AND YOU CAN WORK!  Excuse me?

What happened to America being a nation of laws?  Now we are sending a message to the world that says, "Come to America, hide in the shadows illegally, ignore our laws, and you eventually will be forgiven all your sins, and be granted a pathway to citizenship (AMNESTY).  The line starts IN THE COUNTRY OF ORIGIN Mr. President, not in Nevada or whatever other state these criminals are residing in.  

On taxes...if an illegal alien has been working in America for ten years, where is the fairness in only requiring them to pay three years in back taxes, with no penalties, no interest?  Can EVERY AMERICAN TAXPAYER HAVE THE PERK?  I would love a 7 year tax vacation, and sure most middle class Americans would as well.  Sure if we all suddenly stopped paying our taxes that the IRS would soon be knocking on our door, we could find ourselves facing serious fines, penalties, interest, and perhaps even criminal prosecution.

Keeping the family together?  Hello, is there any reason why these families of illegal aliens cannot KEEP THEIR FAMILIES TOGETHER IN THEIR COUNTRY OF ORIGIN?  They want a better life, that is fine...let them APPLY FOR AMERICAN CITIZENSHIP, rather than coming here illegally and STEALING A BETTER LIFE from someone who is here in America legally.  They are not undocumented workers, they are not undocumented citizens, they are not dreamers, they are by both definition and FEDERAL LAW illegal aliens, criminals who should be arrested, detained, prosecuted and deported.

Mr. Obama said it would be impossible to deport 11 million illegal aliens.  Sorry Mr. President, but you are wrong...enforce our laws, make E-Verify the law of the land, shut down the jobs magnet (and the cheap wage base that comes with it), and prosecute ALL THOSE WHO HIRE ILLEGAL ALIENS, and would be willing to bet that 80 percent of those here in America illegally would SELF DEPORT when they could no longer find jobs...bonus in that approach...Legal American citizens can rejoin the work force, and WAGES WILL GO UP.

A Practical Approach To The Illegal Alien Problem In America

1.  Secure our borders. (North and South)

2.  Track down and deport all those who OVER STAY THEIR VISA.

3.  Turn off job magnet by getting tough on ANY ONE who hires an illegal alien, be it a company (Hotels, Restaurants, Construction Trade, Lawn Care/Landscaping), an individual,  or an institution.

4.  Make E-Verify the law of the land, make it mandatory that all employees be able to verify their eligibility to legally work here in America as a part of the hiring process.  CAN WE SAY GREEN CARD?

5.  Eliminate all the loop holes and presidential orders that create ANY EXCEPTION TO THE RULES.  

We are a nation of laws...then lets act like we are.  As for Congress...stop your whining, and pass legislation that would deal with the problem EFFECTIVELY, rather than looking at any one group of illegal aliens (Latino's) as a future voting block that you have to appease.  We do not appease terrorists, and we should not appease illegal aliens...they are criminals, plain and simple, and should be treated as such.

Random Thoughts and Associations

Stop

Light

Green

Grass

Weed

Dandelion

Spring

Water

Hose

Nylons

Sexy

Flannel

Sheets

Bedding

Flowers

Daffodils

Easter

Eggs

Omelets

Breakfast

Word associations, mental clarity and connections; wonder where your mind takes you as you play along with me?  Pick a word, any word, following the journey into the depths of your synapsis, sharing with yourself the first words that pop into your head.   The game does become more complicated when choosing a more loaded starting point.  Pick a word, any word you want…love, ecstasy, passion, or perhaps something more political in topic such as Republican, Democrat, immigration, or equality?  Perhaps go out on a limb with Obama or Romney, if you use the word Mitt, do you think of glove or instead say Mormon?  Black, blue, bruises, abuse, childhood…never mind, let’s choose another word, do you have one that you would like to try?

Let’s have some fun.  Captain’s, Log, Star Trek…dang, two words, who is up next?  Captain, Kangaroo, Australia, Boomerang, Return, Gifts, Christmas, Stockings, Garters, Enticing, Touch, Tone, Exercise, Bike, Path, Journey, Band, Beatle’s, Revolution, Sixties, Turbulent, Times, Magazine…oh please, we all know that print media is so yesterday’s news.  Do you have the new IPhone 6, and does it bend if you keep it too long in your hip pocket?  Ace, Spades, Cards, Hallmark, greetings…not any more, let’s send a text instead, or perhaps jump on Twitter and bare our souls in 140 characters or less.

Relationship, status…hold the phone…why is it that we folks in the single category feel being in a relationship gives us status?  Don’t get me wrong, would love to be “in a relationship” but do I need a relationship because with it comes status, as if in being a relationship suddenly makes me, or us more socially acceptable, as if being partnered suddenly stamps our passport, makes us eligible for those A list events that seem too often reserved for those who find themselves in the couples category.  Curious involved couples of the world, does inviting your single friend to join the two of you for dinner feel ACKWARD?  Are we really the proverbial THIRD WHEELS?  Inquiring minds wants to know.  

Why do I suddenly hear “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” playing in the recesses of my mind?  Dark Side of the Moon anyone? 

The lunatic is in my head. 
The lunatic is in my head 
You raise the blade, you make the change 
You re-arrange me 'til I'm sane. 
You lock the door 
And throw away the key 
There's someone in my head but it's not me. 

And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear 
You shout and no one seems to hear. 
And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes 
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon. 

Suddenly feeling like Dorothy in the “Wizard of Oz”…lets all “Follow the yellow brick road”.  Which of the main characters best represents yourself?  Myself, I just want to go home, or perhaps more appropriately stated, “I just want to find home”.  You know what I am talking about…find that space and place where a peace settles over you, that special glow that comes with the heart felt knowledge that where you are, where you find yourself is WHERE YOU BELONG.  I will not…no, I refuse here to make some kind of an Elton John, “Goodbye Yellow Brick Road” reference.  It would SO DATE ME.

Captain’s Log..

Here am I floating
round my tin can
Far above the Moon
Planet Earth is blue
And there's nothing I can do.

Whoops, wrong synapsis fired…Donovan perhaps?

The continent of Atlantis was an island
Which lay before the great flood
In the area we now call the Atlantic Ocean

So great an area of land that from her western shores
Those beautiful sailors journeyed to the south
And the North Americas with ease
In their ships with painted sails

To them East Africa was a neighbor
Across a short strait of sea miles
The great Egyptian age is but a remnant of the Atlantian culture
The antediluvian kings colonized the world
All the Gods who play in the mythological dramas
In all legends from all lands were from far Atlantis

Knowing her fate, Atlantis sent out ships

To all corners of the Earth, on board were the
Twelve, 'The poet, the physician, the farmer, the scientist
The magician and the other so-called Gods of our legends'

Though Gods they were
And as the elders of our time choose to remain blind
Let us rejoice and let us sing
And dance and ring in the new
Hail Atlantis

Let’s talk about Global Warming and Climate Change, but before we start could you pass me the Cabernet Sauvignon, and one of those little tarts with the pralines on top.  Thank you, and by the way, “How was work today?”

And I leave you with this…Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9,Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, Number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9, Number 9, number 9

Winter Has Arrived...Here to Stay?

Not quite 10 in the AM here on a Friday as I sit in the midst of the squalor that is now my daily life, anger and depression fighting for control of a life now shattered.   My word of the day...function, as in trying to.   Something has too give as I  cannot continue down the road that now spreads out before me on the horizon as these two powerful emotions wrestle for the right to determine my path forward into a future that seems  a dead end fraught with despair filled with unavoidable pitfalls that will see me living and dying alone, no one there when old age signals the final curtain which ends a person's life. Winter has arrived in more than one way...outside the weather is cold, though the sun shines through the door into my small basement apartment suggesting a warmth that is not really there, a step outside revealing the cold glaring truth of the day.  Inside my heart grows cold, my mind feeling as if it is ready to explode, sanity held onto just barely, daily chores at times simply to much to face.

On today's list...laundry as I am out of anything that vaguely resembles clean cloths.  I had saved up a bowl full of quarters for this task, but had to use those when checks meant for my hands were delayed in their arrival, others playing games with my well being.  Have the laundry soap, but will have to head to a bank for a couple rolls of quarters, then spend a sizable chunk of my day sitting in a laundromat, the surroundings magnifying the sadness of my situation, my life at almost 59.   Should go grocery shopping, but have reached a point where cooking something to eat is simply to much work, no longer an enjoyable task like it once was.  My kitchen is not a real kitchen, though it's size is fine.  I have almost no cabinets, and neither the stove or refrigerator are of a normal size, both reminders of a long time ago when I moved into a similar space at the age of eighteen in the hopes of escaping the abuse that was the family and house in which I had grown up.

Perhaps that is a part of my depression....finding myself at the age of 59 in an almost identical space to the one I first moved into all those decades ago.  The resemblance is a triggering one, brings back memories of my father still interfering in my life, still finding ways in which to weave his special brand of abuse into my life.   Now like then, just want to be LEFT ALONE too pick up the shattered pieces of my life, my marriage and figure out a way forward.  I want chapters ended, final chapters written so that books can be put upon a shelf never to be looked at again, the memories to painful for a second read.

It is said time heals all wounds...trust me, that is not true.  Some wounds never end.  They may scab over, but they are still there just under the surface till the next time an incident, or a person, or a series of abuses pick that scab and it all comes back.