Coming In March 2016..."Derogatory Explorations, My Last 59 Years"

Don't make derogatory statements, you could face criminal prosecution...OMG!  

Let's explore that term and its meaning. According to "Websters Dictionary" the word means expressing a low opinion of someone or something, showing a lack of respect for someone or something.  Notice the definition does not deal with the validity and/or truth of the statements or writings that one is making against another person or thing, just that the statements are expressing a low opinion, or lack of respect toward someone or something else.  Careful folks...did you know expressing negative remarks about someone else could see you dragged into a court of law, could see you finding yourself under a court order (Order of Protection) for a period of time.

You reach a point in life where you cut your loses, make deals that are neither fair or just, but necessary to reach a point of moving on, moving forward with your own life and what is left of your own dream shattered world.  So, I've reached such a crossroads, am doing my best to close out the last chapter in a book that needs placed on the shelf of bad memories.  To that end, and with more than a bit of bitterness, I have started taking steps to clean my own plate off of things detracting from me living a productive life, preparing to move forward into whatever comes next for me, which more than likely is going to include moving out from this basement apartment and out of the state of New York...if not this year, then early next year right after the winter snows have ended.  By next year, everything that is in limbo in my life will be settled, good, bad or ugly, and should be free to pursue my own pursuits and new dreams.

As a part of that process of moving forward, burying old demons I have decided to spend a great deal of 2015 writing a book, and autobiography of sorts with a goal of self publishing it in 2016. Everyone has always told me I should write a book...well, think that time has come.  I turn 59 this upcoming Saturday, so thinking releasing a book right after I turn 60 next February is a great one year goal to set for myself.  A tell all story of intrigue, mystery, pain, love and betrayal, a tale of trials, tribulations, and even a few successes on the road less traveled with no stone left un-turned.  I am sure parts of it will be derogatory, combative and even attacking, but it will be a story fairly and accurately told, and unlike dragnet, will not change the names to protect the innocent or in some cases guilty.   Truth is whatever truth is, and sometimes in life truth is UGLY, even sinister, and in stating that truth, one by definition is going to be derogatory.  

One thing is certain...2015 is going to be a different year, a year of changes and moving forward rather than sitting still.  Time to let my inner warlock have free reign as I once again begin the arduous task of starting over.

So, DeMoya & Associates Plans To Sue Me! There's a BIG SURPRISE.

I came home today to find a rather THICK envelope from the legal firm of DeMoya & Associates, the law firm who's services I terminated due to (IMO) complete and total incompetence on their part. Imagine an attorney or law firm telling you your bill is FAR NORTH of over $50,000 dollars when the only thing they managed to do was get you $1138 a month in Pendente Lite relief for a period of a few months.   Imagine asking from day one that your attorney figure out just how much of a retirement fund (401K) my 50 percent was worth, constantly being told it looked like somewhere around $350-$400K, only to learn after said lawyer's services were terminated that my share in all reality was/is only worth about $165.000!   Of course, every time I pressed my attorney on this issue, asked her to figure out what my share was worth, I was told the timing was NOT RIGHT.   Guess perhaps she and the law firm were content milking the cow, happy to know they were going to walk away with almost 40 percent of my divorce settlement amount?

Or perhaps, as I suspect, it was just plain incompetence?  

When an attorney files a motion for Interim Legal Fees to be paid by the monied spouse, there are rules and procedures to be followed...you know, the dotting of I's, the crossing of T's.   Almost everything filed on my behalf by the law firm of DeMoya & Associates was filled with fatal errors that saw her motions denied...including the firm's last formal motion for interim counsel fees in the amount of $40,000 that was denied because Demoya & Associates had failed to include as a part of the filing an updated copy of my financial statement.  It is noted here, that the attorney handling my case had told me before we went into court that her firm was going to withdraw as counsel if said motion was denied.

In short, I would not recommend this law firm.  Had my original request been adhered to...clarifying what my fifty percent share of the retirement account was worth...now known to be (supposedly) $165,000 would have seen settlement much sooner rather than later.  Instead, the lions share of the legal bill Demoya & Associates presented me with was spent on temporary Pendente Relief in the amount of $1138 a month for a period of about ten months...do the math.   This law firm wants me to pay them over $50,000 in legal fees for their efforts to get me $1138 a month....so, for every $1138 I am receiving, I am being billed over $5000!  Even worse, three times DeMoya and Associates made a motion for interim counsel fees, and three times FAILED.  Had their last request been properly filed, had it been successful, the moneyed  spouse in this case would have been ordered to pay $40,000 in interim fees, and I would still be represented by legal counsel instead of representing myself.

Good News...Good Bad Or Ugly, Will Be Divorced In March of This Year

There is an old expression, "No good deed goes unpunished", and in two marriages now I have learned this life lesson on a deep intimate level.  Time to pick up the shattered pieces of my life at the age of 59, and get on with whatever life it is that I still have left to live.  

Marriage one...took care of the ex-mother in law who in 15 years of marriage never met me because I was not good enough for her daughter.  That is a story for another day...instead, shall simply focus on the end run as it were.  Hazel Bonham in an odd twist of fate died on my birthday.  I was out of town on a business trip to Chicago.  Upon my return to my 40 acre farm in South Eastern Ohio on March 3 of 1997, the drive way was devoid of all vehicles, and there were no lights in the main house, or the quest house, an odd reality since it was about 8 in the evening.  I was afraid that something had happened.

Upon investigation, both houses had been stripped to the walls, years of antiques, furniture, are work and collectibles all gone. Seems that my thanks for taking care of my ex-mother in law in her failing last years on earth was having my ex-wife load up all of MY STUFF, including my eight dogs, and taking off to Colorado.

After a few months I picked myself up and did my best to rebuild my life, and included in this rebuilding process was the selling of the farm, and a move to Plattsburgh NY where I entered college at Clinton Community College where I graduated with a 3.984 GPA in 1999.  I then was accepted into SUNY Plattsburgh on a partial academic scholarship.   I met my current wife on an online dating site during my first semester, and we fast and furious fell in love.  Summer saw me moving down to Peekskill and we were married in September.   Our plan was pretty simple...get married in her back yard (her dream), go on a honeymoon, the sell the house, move into smaller quarters, and send me back to college to complete my education.

To help this plan along, I used my capital and savings to A) bail out her expenses, B) repair and fix up the home so that it could be sold for a higher price.  The plan was to repay me for paying off her loans and debts, and for the costs incurred in fixing up the house.  Just one problem...when it came time to SELL THE HOUSE, she was never ready to let it go.  

Fast forward to today, the 7th of February 2015.

My money is long gone, and according to the proverbial LAW OF THE LAND I am not entitled too, nor allowed by law to have that agreement upheld in a court of law...my contributions, the agreement between us as a couple WORTHLESS.  So, my share of about $1.2 million dollars that is in her name in a 401K like account...S165,000.  What was mine became hers...I contributed more going into our relationship than half the net worth of her account at the time ($325,000), and we used to joke about it...we were the perfect couple as I could cover the current debts, but her retirement account would take care of us in our old age.  Imagine putting $200,000 into a relationship, paying off your fiancee's debts, fixing up her house, all under the belief you would be paid back, would have your chance to finish college, and then in the end being left holding an empty bag.  The WARLOCK in me is not happy.

So, where am I?

Debts...including legal bills for this divorce guessing I owe around $75,000.   So, when the dust settles, going to be left with about $90,000 to start life over with.  Some $110,000 less than the day I said I do back on September 16th of 2000.  Meanwhile, the woman I bailed out walks away to start over with about one million dollars, and a job that pays her $120,000 a year.   MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS.

Health Care...I lose my health insurance on the day the divorce becomes final, and do not have the funds to get health insurance on my own...guess I will have to find a way to stay healthy until I qualify for Medicare/Medicaid.

Living situation...She lives in a beautiful one bedroom apartment while I get to live in a basement studio.  A far cry from the 16 room Victorian that should have been sold per our agreement back in 2001.

Job prospects...NOT GOOD for a man of 59 who has never held a real job for longer than about 6 months his whole life.   Not as bad as it sounds...spent a lot of my life when I was physically capable working for myself, including paying my way in life as a potter and sculptor for some 20 years of my adulthood.

Retirement....well, based on my understanding of Social Security looks like I will be able to collect on my soon to be ex-wife's Social Security starting at the age of 62...this will give me about $1100 a month to live on.   GREAT, can supplement this working as a greeter at Walmart.  According to the rules, if I do not remarrying, can collect widow's benefits, but only if I outlive my ex...somehow, am doubting that reality will ever occur, and it is not something I can count on in planning a budget moving forward.  Guessing I had best win the lottery, or get used to living in abject poverty.  So much for the promise of, "I'll never hurt you like your first wife did, you'll always be taken care of." Why does the term LIAR leap to mind?

KARMA

I look back on my first marriage, how it ended, what was done to me.  I put out a wish too the universe, and went on with my life.   I was quite pleased some years later to find out that first wife had LOST EVERYTHING, had to declare bankruptcy, and spent her last years living in abject poverty.  Seems there is a God.  Seems it is time to put a wish out to the universe and move on with my life...after all, the best revenge is living well.  Sad thing is, because of what is being done to me, cannot ever again get married, as doing so would lose me the Social Security payments I am going to desperately need just to survive.  Thinking a camper out in some remote woods is where one day I will breath my last breath, or perhaps one of those tiny houses of less than 400 square feet...not all bad...at least I will be able to take some nice pictures in such a quiet place.

When this is all over, when I have picked up what is left of my life and moved on and away from this area of the country, it is time to write an autobiography, or perhaps a fictional novel based on the travels that were/are my life.  Either way, the story should be told...the epic tale of love and betrayal one that needs shared.

You can injure and maim a warlock, but you cannot destroy us.  

Tongue and Cheek...

A special thanks goes out to my abusers each and every one.  My father, brother, two wives, all at the top of the list.  Each of you have helped to shape and mold me into the man that I am.  May each of you get out of this life what it is you truly deserve.