Welcome To Fall....Goodbye Summer 2014

"We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun...."  (Terry Jacks)

Summer is gone, a memory ready to put into  books, the dawn of Fall breaking across the land just a few scant hours ago.  The season seemed to fast in its living, the years seeming to pick up speed in their passing as my own odometer quickly races to 59, then 60...seconds, hours and days like sand through an hour glass trickling into the past.  A part of me wishes for a slowing of the pace, for seconds to slip by at a less than brisk pace, wanting somehow to stretch out what time there is in which to make memories that need to last me for an eternity.

This summer, only made it too the beach twice...think I need to find a way to get at least one more trip in down to the Jersey Shore before the temperatures plummet and snow is falling to the ground. Other than that, summer was in some ways uneventful, no vacation to some far off lands, no weekend getaways for camping or other enjoyable past times.   Looking back, in some ways the proverbial wasted season...lost opportunity regretted after it is too late.

So, Fall begins, mornings already cooler in their arrival, the green of the trees showing hints of  color yet to come. I have a busy day.  A drive over to Westchester County across the Tappan Zee for a job interview later in the morning.  A stop at Lowe's for more stain, then this afternoon a few hours of painting...thinking I will try for two gallons of stain on the fence in hopes of bringing that task closer to being done.  I have to call Marcel who seems to be always upset to see what is on her mind, or what new jobs she wants to add to the list of things she wants done. Perhaps not today, but at some point this week laundry has to be done, and my apartment though small again is in need of some dusting and cleaning...All important tasks, but where in that list is some FUN?

Perhaps if I can rush through my tasks I can find some time in today's schedule to take a walk  over to Piermont and back with my camera, a pleasant few hours out and about to celebrate the day.

To those who find their way here...

May your Fall be one filled with memorable moments.
For those celebrating "Rosh Hashanah" which begins two days from now at sunset, wish you a Happy New Year filled with love, happiness, and a realization of all your dreams.

September 22...Official Start of Fall

Mornings are already Fall like, leaves beginning to swirl down the street with every gentle breeze, birds flocking in larger groups as they prepare for the long trek South.  The season does not officially begin for another six days yet all the signs of its arrival are already here.  In some ways, feel as if my life is in its Fall, options narrowing down as the seasons of my life eliminate choices as winter winds slowly creep into my bones.   Was thinking as I walked the other day, looking at the years I have lived, looking at the average life span of most American men, came to the realization my life according to statistics is 3/4 through its story...time to start planning, making plans that lead me down a path which writes an ending that pleases me, myself and I.

Peak color...think I missed it, or perhaps it has passed into the distant yesterdays of my life, the road ahead more about falling leaves, and impending winter storms.  Time to take a serious look at a set of snow tires for the trip ahead, or perhaps contemplate a serious change of scenery to a place of warmer weather where four seasons all look pretty much the same.

I have to be at the dentist in an hour, so going to go run around naked in the shower pretending it is raining.  Enjoy this brisk yet beautiful fall like day.

Standing Still, Moving Forward

Ever reach a point where you are  ready to be done with where you are at?  Change needs to come knocking at your door, circumstance must change.  I am at that point where I want a wholesale change in my life, and in my living situation.

Standing still, waiting for insight.   Quiet reflection is a difficult space in which to find yourself.  The proverbial jumping off place, but to where?  Patience Grasshopper, the answer shall appear when you are least expecting it.

Looking back, moving from one reality into a new one always came easily...now at 58 soon to be 59 there seems to be so much more riding on the decision.   Wrong choices as you move into old age seem weighted down with what could be serious consequence.  A wrong decision, a wrong move and could find myself living out my final years in squalid poverty...not a pleasant thought.

Regrets, I have a few...

Wish when I was younger I had been more dedicated to going to college, getting a degree, finding what the world calls a real career.  A bit late to go to college at this point, and one does not usually search out a new career as I stare down the barrel at 60.  Perhaps that is why I find myself trying to get a job as an airport limo driver.   So not what I want to do, but at some point I have to admit that my passion for photography is not leading toward a situation that would allow me to earn a livelihood following my muse.  Guess in life we cannot always find our way through life doing what it is that feeds our spirit.

Need My House Put In Order

Have accepted the fact that I will never be a father...often times wonder just how different my life would be if I had been blessed with that reality in my life.  Like to think I would have made a great father, but will never know for sure.  Would have been nice to cross that one off my bucket list, and knowing there are no grand-children in my future at times makes me feel very lonely and alone in this world.  There is no one to carry on after I am gone.

Wish at 58 that I were not fast approaching the end of my second failed marriage...guess none of us fall in love, get married thinking it is not going to work out.  At least I know there will not be a third failed marriage...I would lose collecting on my second wife's Social Security if I ever get married again, and that is just not an option.  Sad, as I actually believe in the institution of marriage, and would actually try it again.

The Future...

Who knows...there are some issues that need to resolve themselves first before I can see something materialize in the way of direction, the biggest one being finalizing one way or another my divorce. I cannot continue a litigation process that has now run up my own legal bill to some $30,000 plus in fees with no immediate end in sight.  If it had been up to me, I would never have spent that kind of money on attorney fees, but have been backed into a corner where I am watching what I could end up with being decimated in legal costs.  Also need to see my personal injury case resolved in some fashion as well...am hoping my appoint with the medical people on the 24th of this month will contribute to that end, but who knows...if a reasonable offer is not forthcoming, then see no alternative but a trial, and chances are any trial decision would lead to an appeal on the part of opposing counsel.   HELLO FOLKS, I want to get on with living my life.

Three areas of personal growth...I need to get back on the not smoking wagon.  I had been doing so well with that, and now I am not doing well at all.  Also need to get back to my walking which I have not done in a few weeks.  Lastly, need to stop procrastinating on some of the chores I have to attend to as building super...I need my apartment desperately right now, will be homeless without it.  So, need to get the painting done before the weather turns any more.

Enough for now....

Unexpected Crisp Fall Day Thoughts

Waking up, moving under the blankets was surprised at the crispness of the air in my small studio basement apartment...I curled up, huddled in my blankets reclaiming the warmth therein and fell back off to sleep for awhile until the fingers of chill found me once again.   It's not yet fall, but a fall day is upon us here in New York, the air outside cool, crisp, inviting in a sweater or sweatshirt sort of way, a perfect day to go for a walk, or perhaps a drive out into the countryside ahead of the impending rain you can almost taste.

The extra sleep was needed, the lateness of the day on this Saturday morning unimportant...the hot coffee beside me smells good, tastes even better.  I should be up, dressed, out, but find old books over on the shelf beckoning me to choose one, curl back under my blankets and perhaps spend a few hours relaxing with a good read, or  settling in for a nice long nap.  So enticing...a day filled with doing nothing, vegging out, taking it easy, recharging my battery as I seek that inner center wherein I can find peace, clarity, calm...yes, today is a good day to find a quiet spot in which to meditate, concentrating on the nothingness of space, allowing everything to fall away as if leaves swirling and twirling in the breeze as they dance down the streets of my mind.

Beautiful Fall Things

Color...is there anything more vivid, vibrant or revitalizing than catching the fall color at its peak as you drive along a country road, or along a winding mountainous/hilly lane in the middle of nowhere, perhaps a thermos of hot hot chocolate calling you from the back seat to stop and take a break.

Leaves...falling, blowing, raked, burning, the cloying, acrid sweetness mixing with the crisp fall air one of nature's dazzling perfumes.

Pumpkins...a field of them, their tops covered in frost, carved into Jack-O_Lanterns, puree'd into that first pie of the season, the smell from the oven making your mouth water.

Apples...picking them as a part of a drive into the countryside, turned into cider, or baked into muffins, turnovers and pie, the crispness of that first bite after plucking it from a tree, sliced, diced and caramelized with cinnamon, butter and brown sugar in a skillet on top of the stove. 

Soups...is there anything more magical than that first big pot of homemade soup that seems to shout to the rooftops..."Fall is upon us!"  That first steaming hot mug of chowder shared with a chunk of French Bread slathering in butter...perfect for dunking, the heat of the cup against your hands warming your heart, making you smile from the inside out.

What are some of your favorite fall things?  Come on, you can do it...click on the comment button and list one or two.

A Sad State of Affairs...

Sometimes, it becomes very tempting to simply turn off the news, stop watching caring about the world in which I reside.

  

Seems President Obama has decided we are now in a war with ISIS...I'm rather tired of war, strife and world discord, seems America on some level has been at war most of my life starting with the Vietnam War which was really not a war, but a conflict or police action.  Actually, the first war that I was aware of was the Cold War with Russia, still remember the Nuclear Fall Out drills when we were instructed to crawl under our desks in case of a Nuclear Missile Attack...like that was really going to protect us?  Children should not have to hide under their desks, but looking at the world we live in today where students barricade themselves in classrooms, the school under lock down because a student using guns is on the loose, suppose hiding under a desk waiting on a nuclear bomb was maybe no so bad after all.

We had Desert Storm, the Iraq war, the War in Afghanistan, and lets not forget we have had troops on the border with North Korea for over 50 years.  Could probably fill up a few more pages with all the wars and police actions that we as Americans have been involved with since the day I was born. Is it any wonder that we as a nation are tired of war...how about a War on Poverty...never mind, we supposedly tried that already.  

Maybe America would be better off letting some other country play the part of world policeman...do not see Russia or China stepping up to deal with ISIS (ISIL), do not see any of their planes flying over Iraq or Syria.  Face it, Russia would rather use its military might to cripple Ukraine, and China wants to use its financial and military might to conquer the entire world by putting every nation  in debtors court.  What would happen if America started using all the money spent on/in the Pentagon on rebuilding our nation's public/private infrastructure, putting Americans back to work rebuilding roads, bridges, and recreating/rebuilding an American manufacturing base?  

Lets start a war on decaying America, lets spend some time and money in our own back yard for a change.